There once was a skinny girl...

This is goodbye

I’m not going to be going on tumblr anymore, or at least for a while.

It just isn’t good for me. On here I still feel like I’m “sick” when in the real world I’m doing so well. I can honestly say that tumblr had a huge impact on my recovery, and I thank everyone that I’ve talked to on here so much for all of the help that they’ve given me. But I need to move on. And I can’t do that while I’m still on here being constantly reminded of my eating disorder.

I’m sorry guys, I really am. But I need to do this for me. I’m going to keep my blog open for now, and I’ll probably still check messages for a week or so. And if anyone wants to find me on facebook, message me and I’ll give you my name.

Who knows, maybe I’ll be back, but for right now this is goodbye.

<3 Erica

Most of the time I feel like a fraud who never had an eating disorder and I just made this all up for attention. I’m reading about eating disorders for my abnormal psych class and mine just never got as bad as the ones that it talks about. Which in a very sick way makes me feel like I failed or something. I don’t know, I just don’t know.

Anonymous asked: why what happened with eating today? :(

Don’t worry, I ate as much as my nutritionist told me too. It’s just I don’t trust my hunger cues at all. I can’t tell when I’m hungry or when I’m full which makes it stressful to eat when I don’t have the “excuse” of gaining anymore. I know that it will get better with practice, but I’ve been either losing or gaining for so long that it’s hard to just maintain.

And disclaimer: I’m still super happy that I’m at my goal weight, don’t get my wrong. I want to maintain, it’s just the stupid eating disorder voice that is telling me I can’t possibly eat this much and not gain. I just have to prove to myself that that’s not true.

What I’ve learned today is I have no idea how to eat like a normal person

(Source: graveyard-ghost, via smiles-and-sunshinee-blog)

Anonymous asked: have you ever self-harmed?

Yah, but I’m getting better

Anonymous asked: how many cals are you going to eat now? can yo udo your intakes?

I’m only answering this once.

For right now I’m going to continue to eat two thousand five hundred calories, and next week I’ll see what that does to my weight. As for my intakes, I’ll post them if I have time and feel good about it, but it won’t be everyday.

(via recoverylifeandcats)

Anonymous asked: did you end up gaining to where the doctors wanted or did they consider you weight restored because you maintained for so long and couldn't gain even on the 2700?

Nope, I actually made it to my goal weight! This past week I bumped up my intake a bit and just gave it a real go and it actually worked. Although for at least right now my nutritionist is going to have me continue to count calories just to make sure I’m eating enough because I do seem to maintain on a higher amount than I would naturally eat (with my hunger cues).

Guess who’s weight restored!?

This kid :)

After 11 months of restricting and 7 months of gaining, I can finally eat like a normal person again.

Life is so so good.